According to Chapman, each of us has a primary love language which speaks more deeply than other expessions of love. Discovering the primary love language of our spouse is essential in keep their emotional Love Tank full. In this part of The 5 Love Languages Book Summary, we will learn ways of finding out our primary love language and that of our spouse. But first, what is a love tank?
The Emotional Love Tank
All of us are seeking for love. Imagine that each of us has a “Love Tank” that needs to be filled with love. Every time love is given to us, it adds up to our Love Tank. A Love Tank that is full means that our emotional need has been exceedingly meet. When the Love Tank of our spouse is full, it means that they are secure in our love.
“I am convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level is to an automobile.”
The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman
However, if our Love Tank is empty, we feel unwanted, undesired and insecure. An empty Love Tank for both couples can be devastating to their marriage.
This is where the learning the Primary Love Language comes in. It is the fastest way of filling up the Love Tank to the brim. We may already be communicating love to our spouse. But if it is not their primary love language, it only gets filled a drop at a time. You can give all the gifts you can but if their primary love language is quality time, then you may wonder why your spouse doesn’t even acknowledge your effort.
But learning to speak the primary love language of our spouse can radically affect their behavior and your marriage. People behave differently when their love tanks are full.
Discovering the Primary Love Language
Chapman suggested three ways in discovering your Primary Love Language or that of your spouse.
1. Ask yourself “What makes you feel most loved by your spouse?” or “What do you desire above all else?” If the answer to those questions isn’t obvious, ask yourself the opposite instead. “What does your spouse do or say or fail to do say that hurts you deeply.”
2. Look back over your marraige and ask yourself, “What have I most often requested of my spouse?” What you may be asking for is your way of yearning for love from your spouse.
3. Another way to discover your primary love language is to examine what you do or express love to your spouse. Chances are what you are doing is what you wish your spouse would do for you.
4. Take the Take the 5 Love Languages official assessment to discover your love language and begin improving your relationships. You can take the 5 Love Language test online at https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
It is possible that you may have more than one Primary Love Language. Just like some people can speak two dialects. If this is the case, then your spouse is very lucky to have more than one way to fill your Love Tank. But it very rare to have three or more primary Love Languages.
It is also possible that your Primary Love Language changed through the years. But it may take time for it to develop. Most of the time, our Primary Love Language is the same through out our lifetime.
Once you have discovered your own Primary Love Language, let your spouse ask the same questions or to take the same test. “Once you discover the Primary Love Language of your spouse, you are limited only by your imagination on ways to express love.”
We are talking about love, and love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.
The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman
In Part 4 of The 5 Love Languages Book Summary, we will discover other ways where this concept is applicable.
The 5 Love Languages Book Summary
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
