Now that we have learned the Primary Love Language of our spouse, the next logical step is to express love in their Primary Love Language.

Here are The Five Love Languages again.

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Sounds easy but some love languages doesn’t come naturally of us. For example, some people feel uneasy saying Words of Affirmation. Others are not very touchy and Physical Touch makes them uncomfortable especially in public. And what if our spouse Love Tank is fullest if we cook for them but we know we are not good in cooking at all?

Chapman insists that we need to learn how to show love to our spouse in their Primary Love Language. It may not be easy but it can be learned. It is similar to learning a new dialect. If our spouse can only speak and understand a foreign language, we will strive to learn that language for us to communicate properly.

When an action doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love.

The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman

The book The 5 Love Languages contains many real life examples of showing love in the different Love Languages. You can pick one suggestion that feels easier for you. As you get more comfortable, try another one and then another and another. Soon, loving your spouse in their Primary Love Language would come naturally to you.

This doesn’t mean that you can no longer express love in other ways. You can still show love in any of the 5 Love Languages. Expressing love in different ways can make the relationship more exciting. Just remember that it is through their Primary Love Language that their Love Tank gets filled faster.

Sweeter the Second Time Around

Chapman has encountered several couples with troubled marriages. His advice is the same, “Learn the love language of your spouse and choose to speak it”.

The husband and the wife can choose to learn it together at the same time. That is the ideal scenario. But Chapman has also counselled just the husband or just the wife. The other partner remains stoic. Yet, as one partner starts to fill the Love Tank of the other, he or she tends to reciprocate. Love is contagious.

The decision to love your spouse holds tremendous potential. Learning his/her primary love language makes that potential a reality. Love really does “make the world go round.”

The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman

Act now

Apply what you have learned from the book Happy Money with these suggestions:

1. Discover your own Primary Love Language by asking the questions or taking the test mentioned in Part 3.
2. Discover the Primary Love Language of your spouse.
3. List down several ways to communicate love with your spouse’s Primary Love Language. Fill their Love Tank using your list.

Happy Valentines!!!

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The 5 Love Languages Book Summary
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

According to Chapman, each of us has a primary love language which speaks more deeply than other expessions of love. Discovering the primary love language of our spouse is essential in keep their emotional Love Tank full. In this part of The 5 Love Languages Book Summary, we will learn ways of finding out our primary love language and that of our spouse. But first, what is a love tank?

The Emotional Love Tank

All of us are seeking for love. Imagine that each of us has a “Love Tank” that needs to be filled with love. Every time love is given to us, it adds up to our Love Tank. A Love Tank that is full means that our emotional need has been exceedingly meet. When the Love Tank of our spouse is full, it means that they are secure in our love.

“I am convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level is to an automobile.”

The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman

However, if our Love Tank is empty, we feel unwanted, undesired and insecure. An empty Love Tank for both couples can be devastating to their marriage.

This is where the learning the Primary Love Language comes in. It is the fastest way of filling up the Love Tank to the brim. We may already be communicating love to our spouse. But if it is not their primary love language, it only gets filled a drop at a time. You can give all the gifts you can but if their primary love language is quality time, then you may wonder why your spouse doesn’t even acknowledge your effort.

But learning to speak the primary love language of our spouse can radically affect their behavior and your marriage. People behave differently when their love tanks are full.

Discovering the Primary Love Language

Chapman suggested three ways in discovering your Primary Love Language or that of your spouse.

1. Ask yourself “What makes you feel most loved by your spouse?” or “What do you desire above all else?” If the answer to those questions isn’t obvious, ask yourself the opposite instead. “What does your spouse do or say or fail to do say that hurts you deeply.”

2. Look back over your marraige and ask yourself, “What have I most often requested of my spouse?” What you may be asking for is your way of yearning for love from your spouse.

3. Another way to discover your primary love language is to examine what you do or express love to your spouse. Chances are what you are doing is what you wish your spouse would do for you.

4. Take the Take the 5 Love Languages official assessment to discover your love language and begin improving your relationships. You can take the 5 Love Language test online at https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

It is possible that you may have more than one Primary Love Language. Just like some people can speak two dialects. If this is the case, then your spouse is very lucky to have more than one way to fill your Love Tank. But it very rare to have three or more primary Love Languages.

It is also possible that your Primary Love Language changed through the years. But it may take time for it to develop. Most of the time, our Primary Love Language is the same through out our lifetime.

Once you have discovered your own Primary Love Language, let your spouse ask the same questions or to take the same test. “Once you discover the Primary Love Language of your spouse, you are limited only by your imagination on ways to express love.”

We are talking about love, and love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.

The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman

In Part 4 of The 5 Love Languages Book Summary, we will discover other ways where this concept is applicable.

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The 5 Love Languages Book Summary
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Our second part of the 5 Love Languages Book Summary will discuss each Love Languages and learn some examples on how to express Love in that specific language.

Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation

Word of Affirmation is an act of Love that uses “words to build up the other person.”

Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation.

The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman

These are honest complements and kinds words that we say to our partner. The words will have an encouraging and inspiring effect. Some examples are:

• You look great on that dress.
• I really appreciate your washing the dishes tonight.
• Thank you for spending time with me.
• You should continue painting. You are good at it.

The words should be delivered sincerely and must be said in a soft and kind manner. There is a difference in saying “I love you” versus “I love you?”.

Love Language #2: Quality Time

Quality Time is an act of Love by giving your partner your undivided attention. Sitting together in front of a television is not necessarily having quality time. What matters most is the attention given to your partner.

Having Quality Time doesn’t have to mean going out on expensive dates or engaging in romantic getaways. Quality Time can simply involve having quality conversations and quality activities at home.

A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity…. Togetherness has to do with focused attention.

The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman

In having Quality Time, the activity being shared is not the main thing. What is important is the emotional connection being made and that you are spending focused time with each other. “The emphasis is on being together, doing things together, giving each other undivided attention.”

Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts

Receiving Gifts is an act of Love that involves giving. This act is very visible and is one of the easiest love language to learn and to express.

While giving gifts usually involves money, the monetary value of the gift is not essential. A gift can be a handwritten letter, a small souvenir from a trip, or a handmade project.

It doesn’t matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of him.

The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman

When giving gifts, don’t wait for a special occasion. Surprise your partner with a gift at anytime of the year.

Love Language #4: Acts of Service

Acts of Service is an act of Love by doing things for your partner. This requires thought, planning, time, effort and energy. Actions such as cooking a meal, cleaning the room, changing the baby’s diaper, doing the groceries, running erands — they are all acts of service.

By acts of service, I mean doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her.

The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman

This truly means that actions speak louder than words! In today’s society, there is a very thin line on what a husband should do in the house and what a wife should be doing. It is now acceptable that the husband and the wife switch roles. The husband can do household chores. The wife can find work and build her career. What is important is to meet the emotional needs of your partner on whatever roles they have agreed upon.

But a word of caution, the act of service must be given as a choice. It cannot be coerced. Being demanding to your partner or criticizing the act will have a negative effect. Instead, learn to make requests to each other instead of making demands.

Love Language #5: Physical Touch

The last love language is Physical Touch. Since we were babies, a touch has been an expression of love. As we grow older, Physical Touch can mean so much more to others.
Physical touch is not limited to sexual intercourse. Holding hands, kissing, and embracing are also ways of communicating love to your spouse.

The author mentions the common mistake that men often assume that their primary love language is Physical Touch since their desire for sexual intercourse is intense. However, the sexual desire might be just physically based. The desire for Physical Touch much be meeting an emotional need for it to be a primary love language. “If he does not enjoy physical touch at other times and in nonsexual ways, it may not be his love language at all.”

To recap the Five Love Langauges are:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

For the next part of our summary, we will discuss ways on how to discover our own Primary Love Language and that of our spouse.

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The 5 Love Languages Book Summary
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages is among my favorite book about love and relationships. It’s a book I love to share with other couples.

The premise of the book is simple. Love can be expressed in several ways. Each person has his own way of giving and receiving Love, or what the author calls the Primary Love Language. By knowing our spouse’s Primary Love Language, we would be able to express Love that is best understood by them.

Learning the 5 Love Languages is not the ultimate secret for a happy marriage, but the book can strengthen relationships or mend those who struggle in their marriage.

We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.

The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman

After the Love has Gone

Many couples would wonder what happened to Love. Before their marriage, couples were so “in love” with each other. But that changed after getting married.

The problem is many couples think that the “in love” stage is the “real Love”. Being “in love” feels great and euphoric. Nothing else matters. They believe that what they feel for each other will last forever and they will live happily ever after. Just like in the movies.

But being “in love” is totally different from “real Love.” It is a temporary high. The author explains that True Love requires effort and discipline. True Love should be intentional. “In fact, true love cannot begin until the “in love” experience has run its course.”

Some researchers, among them psychiatrist M. Scott Peck and psychologist Dorothy Tennov, have concluded that the in-love experience should not be called “love” at all. Dr. Tennov coined the word limerance for the in-love experience in order to distinguish that experience from what she considers real love.

The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman

After years of counseling, Chapman has discovered that people express Love in five different ways. He calls them the 5 Love Languages. Chapman is convinced that once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, you have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage.

The 5 Love Languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

In this book summary, we will learn each of the Love Languages and how to apply them for a long and lasting relationship with our love ones.

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The 5 Love Languages Book Summary
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4