I was invited to speak during the Power House program at church for a topic about being a father. I said I felt old to be talking about fatherhood since my son is just 3 years old. Maybe fathers who have kids in college or even grandfathers would be a better resource person. But they insist that they want someone who is still young. Young! Now that’s the magic word. 😀
Below is the script of my talk at church. It was originally consists of 3 parts but I am posting the first part here. I hope that my thought on how to be a dad will also inspire others in raising happy children of God.
5 Things Every Father Must Do
Parenting is not an easy task. There are so many factors involved to raise a child. And many parents want to do it right the first time. And the children is the only chance we can get to do it right. In, Proverbs 22:6 (NIV), “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
Parenting starts from year zero! And we have choice but to do it right the first time.
Being father is a daunting task. Men prefer having a manual. Men prefer something concrete and exact. Having kids does not come with a manual. Having kids is not concrete and exact.
While the task is scary, I was excited to be a father. I read a lot. Ask a lot. I find tips that I can use in raising my own child. For three years now, things have been bumpy but I am happy to have raised to the challenge.
This afternoon I will share some tips from my journey as a father. This will be useful for those who have just turned into a father like me, or to those who have sons who have children already.
1. Provide Security.
It is a common notion that fathers are the ones who provides for the family. I also go to my father when I need something to buy. In 1 Timothy 5:8 (NIV), “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
But more than providing material things to the family, a father must also provide security in emotion and trust.
Children need to know someone whom they can trust. Having a father who can secure that trust will keep them at ease and comfortable to face the world. Thus, be the father whom they can run to when they felt hurt or uncomfortable.
I’ve also mentioned for father to be providing material things. Thus, the question is, can money really make us happy?
As for financial or material security, research shows that people in the US who earn six- and seven-figure incomes, are not substantially happier than those who earn five. The cutoff is about $50,000, in 2010 dollars. The median US household income is $51,100 in 2011 and $51,017 year in 2012.
According to NSO, in 2012, Filipino families had an annual income of 235 thousand pesos, on average (19,583.33 per month). Families in the richest decile, earned an annual income of 715 thousand pesos in 2012 or 60 thousand pesos monthly, on average.
I would also say that an income per family of 50,000-80,000 a month is comfortable enough. But don’t let this amount discourage you. Later, I’ll will tell you why money is not the top priority in raising kids.
2. Be the first.
We often hear about the advice to put family first. But how exactly are you going to do that? A good indicator is “To Be First”
Be the first to respond when your child cries.
Be the first to see your child smile.
Be the first to watch your child walk.
Be the first to listen to your child talk.
Be the first to teach your child to bike.
Be the first to kiss you child at night.
Always be the first. Not the lolo or lola. Not the yaya.
One story I love about being the first is between the Hollywood actress Gwyneth Paltrow and his father Bruce Paltrow. Bruce is a busy man as well. He is a producer and a director. He was the producer of the television series The White Shadow and St. Elsewhere. His last production was the film Duets, which starred his daughter, Gwyneth Paltrow.
The story is narrated by Gwyneth and it goes like this.
When I was ten years old, my father and I took a trip to Paris, leaving my younger brother and mother in London where she was filming a movie. My dad believed in one-on-one time with us, and sometimes that extended to a weekend away. We stayed at a great hotel and he said I could order whatever I wanted for breakfast (French fries). We went to the Le Cneter Pompidou museum, the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre – the usual spots. It was pretty great. On the plane back to London he asked me if I knew why we had gone, just he and I, to Paris for the weekend. I said no, but I felt so lucky for the trip. He said, “I wanted you to see Paris for the first time with a man who would always love you, no matter what.” From that time on, Paris was and continues to be very special to me. I lived there for five months in 1994 and I have made many trips back. These are the places in Paris I stay and eat and toast my dad.
3. Learn First Aid.
Kids do the darnest things! And I strongly suggest that fathers know basic first aid. I believe that fathers are better in handling crisis situation. They are less prone to panic compared to mothers.
Learn CPR in case of drowning and accidents.
Learn Heimlich maneuver in case of choking.
Learn first aid for cuts and bruises.
Learn first aid for bone injuries.
Learn emergency responses for fire, flood, earthquakes and other calamities
With Gab I have already used the Heimlich maneuver, flood emergency response and first aid for bruises. You can say that I am his hero.
4. Play
Play what? Play Angry birds! Play Candy Crush! Play CoC! Play DOTA! Play GTA! Of course not. Those games are for fathers only to enjoy! 😀
Play what then? Play with your children. Play as they play. Play with their cars. Play with their dolls. Play outdoors. Jump. Run. Skip. Slide. Swing. Laugh. And repeat again and again.
Here’s a nice story from the book Achieving Success Without Failing Your Family. Paul Faulkner describes the decisions of an insurance executive. Speaking at a businessmen’s convention, the man stressed the importance of being a father first. The man’s daughter was in the audience.
…in the middle of his talk he had turned to her and asked,
“Sweetheart, do you remember the time I won the million-dollar roundtable three years in a row?”
And she said, “No, Dad, I don’t guess I do.”
And then he asked, “Well, do you remember when we used to have those Dairy Queen dates?”
And she said, “Oh, yes!”
And then he turned to the audience to make the point that daughters don‘t remember when you sell a million dollars worth of insurance, but they do remember your special dates. (From What Makes a Good Dad by Max Lucado)
Build these kinds of memories with your children. They wont remember your achievements at work. But they will remember those times you played with them.
Here is a play time I highly recommend for fathers to do with their children. Rough play!!! Rough play is highly recommended by science. Examples of rough play with fathers are chasing, tossing, wrestling, tickling, pillow fight, eating the ears, licking the nose, and a lot more.
“Rough and tumble play between fathers and their young children is part of their development, shaping their children’s brain so that their children develop the ability to manage emotions and thinking and physical action altogether.”
“The researchers believe that the most important aspect of this play is that it gives children a sense of achievement when they ‘defeat’ a more powerful adult, building their self-confidence and concentration. However, fathers who resist their children, can also teach them the life lesson that, in life, you don’t always win. The act of a stronger adult holding back that strength also helps to build trust between father and child.
Research also shows that rough play builds self control among children since they will learn when to stop and when is it ok to continue. Children learns how to establish boundaries.
5. Control Temper.
Fathers can be pretty hot headed. I shout at Gab when I am irritated. Sometimes I shout unneccesarrily. While it does acheive the desired results, it breaks down the bond that was establish.
I never realized I was shouting too much if not for Quennie who scolded me for over doing it.
Losing your temper can result in unwanted reactions which does more harm than good in the long run.
As a father, always keep your cool. Use force as the last resort.
In summary, these are the 5 Things Every Father Must Do:
1. Provide Security.
2. Be the first.
3. Learn First Aid.
4. Play.
5. Control Temper.
For my final word. “Having a child will make PEACE disappear in our life. But hold them and love them, and you will realize you have a PIECE of heaven in your hands.”
Deuteronomy 6:5-7 (NIV)
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
